at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
