you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
