So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize