Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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