dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize