when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
