U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
