Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
