You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
