Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
