i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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