i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
