And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
