i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
