I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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