saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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