some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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