I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
