Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
