How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
