at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize