Just cropdusted the office
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
