I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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