My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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