you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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