Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
