she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
