I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
