Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
