it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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