I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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