i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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