You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
