I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
