a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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