Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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