you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
