He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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