He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
