If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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