dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
