I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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