Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
