I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
