If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
one two three fourrrrnication!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
