I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize