Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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