I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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