at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We need to get me chipped asap
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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