I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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