i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she smelled like a LAN party
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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