READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
