So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I supernannyed him into submission
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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