I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize