I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
