God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
