Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I could make wine with my vomit
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize