Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
