Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
