He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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