hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am available for nakedness
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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