is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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