just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
