So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
