Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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