when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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