idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
