Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
