We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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