remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize