My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
