I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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