Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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