all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
