Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Come share oat with me in your robe
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
